I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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