epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
