I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i may or may not be watching the land before time
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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