I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
