look no pants
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
