i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
