i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize