i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
