For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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