On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
