No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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