If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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