Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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