I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
