Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
