I'm jealous of your bromance
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
