He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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