He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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