So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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