Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
