Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
