Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
