I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
