she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
