Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
