thus making me awesome and them whores
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
