i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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