She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
