Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh god it's open bar.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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