What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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