Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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