my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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