dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
