Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
