...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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