I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
