Will you blow on my dice?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
