There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
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