I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
