Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
