can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
