Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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