I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
