So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
only you would photoshop your dick
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
