then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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