I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
