my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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