I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
