I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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