How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
