so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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