dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
