My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
