nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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