Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
