I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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