this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize