Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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