a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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