Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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