Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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