I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
