Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
