So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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