I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize