Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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