We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
