i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
