then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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