I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
