I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
