If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Floor bacon is actually really good
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
