i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we're making bets on your personal life
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
