just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
