I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize