K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize