i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
