trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize