it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
