pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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