dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
