she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
