So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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