Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just high enough for therapy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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