Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
