some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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