Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
