Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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