I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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