I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
