I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
