I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
