Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize