You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
