New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
