At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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