Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
