I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
