she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
