we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
