operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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